I hate it here (but not with you)
by Hot Chocolate 2k2
Summary: Alex may have gone to her room, but she didn't shut the door. What if Alex had heard Kara's conversation with FBI Agent Noel Neill? Set during 3x06


**A/N: I know I've been MIA for a long time, and I'm so sorry. I kind of lost interest over the summer, probably because there were no new episodes, but I'm back. I'm not going to lie, it will probably take a long time to update because life is busy, but I'll try not to have such a long gap again. I know I really need to finish These Broken Pieces, but after watching Midvale, I had to write this.**

 **I don't know if I want to make this a short multi-chapter, a series of short stories, or an actual series, so you guys can tell me what you think.**

 **I saw that Alex didn't close her door when Eliza told her to go to her room, and since the conversation between Kara and J'onn in disguise took place in the next room, I think Alex had to have heard it.**

 **This whole story is from Alex's perspective and her thoughts are italicized. I rewatched the episode and tried to get the conversations exactly right so it's more accurate, and obviously I added my own stuff in, hope you enjoy!**

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"Alex, do your homework. Kara, come with me."

Part of Alex was screaming at herself to turn around and face the consequences with Kara as she hurried to their shared bedroom. They had investigated together, they had both put themselves in danger, but Kara was taking the blame. It made Alex feel guilty enough that she almost turned back around. Almost.

But Alex had never seen her mom as furious as she was now, and disobeying would only add fuel to the fire. And if Alex was being completely honest with herself, she didn't have the energy to get in an argument with her mom again, something that seemed to happen more often than not.

"I-I had to do something," Alex heard Kara defend behind her. "I couldn't let Mr. Bernard get away with it."

"You could have been discovered. Alex could've died." Eliza scolded, her voice rising.

 _No,_ Alex thought, _it wasn't her fault. She saved me._

Alex stood in their bedroom with a hand on the door, ready to shut it, when Kara said two words that made her freeze.

"I'm sorry."

Her voice was quiet, defeated. The sound made Alex want to rush out of the room and hug the younger girl, though she would never admit it.

Alex peeked half of her face out to see her mother's look of disappointment, something Alex seemed to encounter more and more since Kara came to live with them. But the look wasn't directed at her this time. It was directed at Kara.

"I have been trying to tell you, it is _not_ your job to protect people. You are just a kid. And since you won't listen to me, maybe you'll listen to her," Eliza said, sounding frustrated as she grabbed Kara's shoulder and steered her into the next room.

Alex expected her mom to follow, so when Eliza suddenly turned in her direction, Alex quickly hid her face behind the door. She counted to five before chancing another glance outside of the bedroom, catching a glimpse of the back of her mom's shaking head before it disappeared downstairs.

Alex listened to Kara's footsteps, heard when they came to a stop. The silence that followed seemed to stretch on for an eternity. She waited with bated breath, wondering what was happening on the other side of the wall.

"Mom?" Kara asked incredulously.

Alex's eyes widened, muscles tensing as if preparing for what was to come. That couldn't be right. Kara's mom was killed in Krypton's explosion.

"Mom!" Kara said again, this time with a tone of excitement. Alex heard the rush of Kara's footsteps and the sound of clothes rustling as a Kara wrapped her arms around someone. Alex's eyebrows furrowed as she analyzed all the possibilities. _Is there a chance that maybe her mom wasn't—_

"Oh, uh…I'm sorry honey, I'm not your mother," a female voice replied awkwardly. "I'm Agent Noel Neill of the FBI."

Alex shook her head. _Stupid,_ she thought, _of course it's not her mom._ Fate was cruel. Out of all the FBI agents in the world, Kara had to meet the one person who looked like her mother?

Kara spoke again, obviously disappointed, "I'm sorry, you just look so much like my mother. For a second I thought—"

"I guess I just have one of those faces. It's an asset in my line of work," Agent Neill explained. Alex noted that she had a slight southern accent, and she briefly wondered how the agent had arrived at their house so fast. It had only been an hour, at most, since they had been knocked off the bridge. How had the FBI found out? And how had they sent someone over so fast? Alex closed her eyes, silencing her thoughts, trying to focus on the conversation taking place in the other room.

"Yeah," Kara replied hesitantly, her shock still evident.

"I've come here due to a recent uptick in activity," Agent Neill explained. Judging from her silence, Kara was just as confused as Alex.

"We are aware of you and your cousin," the agent elaborated.

Alex's felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water on her. The FBI knew who Kara really was? Did they know Superman's real identity, too? Was Kara safe? As much as they didn't get along, Alex didn't want Kara to be experimented on. She wouldn't wish that on anybody.

"Now, I understand that you had a friend that passed recently, and now you and your sister have taken it upon yourselves to solve his case," Agent Neill said. Alex could tell that the agent, like her mother, did not approve.

"His name was Kenny Li," Kara said sadly.

"I'm very sorry. But you need to understand that under no circumstances are you to be utilizing your powers," Agent Neill responded. To Alex's surprise, the agent didn't sound angry or annoyed or even scared. She sounded calm, as if she had known for a long time that Kara had these powers.

"But we solved the case," Kara countered. Under her tone of confusion, Alex could hear the blonde's rising anger.

"I heard. Right before you and your sister were driven off the road," Agent Neill pointed out. Alex didn't get it. Why was everyone overlooking the big picture? They caught a killer, they got justice for Kenny. They could've been more careful, but didn't the pros outweigh the cons here?

 _We're fine._

"We're fine," Kara echoed Alex's thoughts.

" _You're_ fine because you're invincible," Agent Neill emphasized. "Your sister is fine because she got lucky."

"I saved her. I solved a crime. I can do what Superman does," Kara argued, an edge in her voice. Alex could feel the tension in the air. She felt like a ticking time bomb had been set in place, and the seconds were slowly counting down to the explosion.

"No, you cannot," Agent Neill said firmly. "You are fifteen years old, and as long as you're living in this house, your powers are a danger to Alex and Eliza."

 _Five._

"Well what good are these powers if I can't use them?" Kara retorted.

 _Four._

"Miss Danvers, I am sure that when your parents sent you here, they wanted you to be safe—"

 _Three._

"Don't talk about my parents," Kara warned dangerously. "You didn't even know them."

 _Two._

"I'm sorry, you're right. You should probably be with your family right now."

 _One._

"This isn't my family," Kara protested, her walls finally crumbling. "I remember my parents. I remember Krypton. I-I remember being alone in that pod and not knowing if I was going to see anyone ever again. And then I landed here. And no one asked me if I wanted these powers, but I have them.

"And all I want to do is help people with what I've been given, and no one will let me."

Alex felt the blood in her veins freeze. She felt the breath leave her lungs. She felt her heart stop. Because Kara's voice was shaking. Because the girl she shared a room with was far more damaged than she realized. Because the girl she thought had broken up her family was the broken girl who had no family. And Alex's memories began to haunt her, coming to the forefront of her mind with a vengeance.

" _Why did you ever adopt her?"_

" _I hate you!"_

" _I don't have a sister."_

" _Try and keep up."_

"— _before you came along."_

" _Now all I have is you. And you are_ not _worth it."_

Alex felt the tears in her eyes threaten to spill over as she cursed herself. She had practically said Kara wasn't her family when the Kryptonian was still grieving the loss of her own. She had mocked Kara for wanting to be a superhero, thinking she was after glory and attention, when all she really longed for was to help people. She had told Kara she wasn't worth it, and _hell,_ what did that have to sound like to Kara? Because Alex felt chills in her bones at the underlying meaning she hadn't intended in her words.

" _You surviving Krypton is not worth it. You landing on earth is not worth it. Your life is not worth it."_

Alex had forgotten how much Kara had been through. Krypton had exploded years ago, Superman was a reminder of that. It was something she knew in her subconscious but never really thought about.

Until now.

She couldn't even imagine losing her whole world. What it would be like to feel the shockwaves rattle her bones. What it would be like to hear the deafening boom of an entire planet exploding. What it would be like to watch her family, her friends, everything she'd ever known, die before her eyes.

Alex thought her mom had put too much responsibility on her to take care of Kara. She had to teach her how to act and how to talk and how to do normal human activities. So how had Kara felt? How did it have to feel to suddenly be told she had to raise her baby cousin? To be told she had to teach him how to act normal on a planet she herself knew nothing about?

And then, as if that wasn't enough, Kara had gotten knocked off course. Separated from her only other family, her only tie to Krypton. Completely and utterly alone in the dark expanse of space, not knowing if she was ever going to see anyone again. Not knowing if she would die with the stars as her only company.

Alex hated even thinking about it. Kara is just fifteen years old and has experienced more than anyone should ever have to.

And Alex had told her that she'd ruined her life.

"I can't imagine what you've had to overcome. Kara, I know that your mother is very proud of you," Agent Neill soothed. Alex, though apprehensive about the agent, was thankful for her in that moment. Because she didn't say it was okay, or that Kara would be fine. She gave Kara what she needed. She gave Kara the love of her mother. The love of Kara's family.

"This is never going to be home," Kara choked out with a watery voice. "I hate it here. I hate school I-I just want to live with Clark and be super."

Alex could imagine Kara as she spoke, tears in her eyes as her face crumpled, showing the shattered kid on the inside. Little did she know how close her imagination was to reality.

And then Kara's words sunk in. While Alex was wishing Kara would get out of her life, Kara was wishing the same thing. Kara didn't choose to live with them. She didn't _want_ to live with them. She didn't even want to be on the planet, but she didn't have a choice. And Alex had blamed her for everything.

"You've got a second chance here. But you have to be normal. You have to be human." Agent Neill said gently. From the way she spoke, Alex felt like the agent related to Kara on a personal level somehow. She wondered what her story was.

Alex heard Kara take in a short, shaky breath, almost like a gasp. It was the most heartbreaking sound she had ever heard, and finally Alex's unshed tears spilled onto her cheeks.

"Why don't you tell me about Krypton, huh?" Alex listened to their footsteps as they walked to the glass doors of the balcony. "Where was it?"

"There," Kara said. Alex was surprised at how fast Kara could find where her former home would've been. How many times, she wondered, had Kara stared at the night sky, looking for a piece of herself that didn't exist anymore?

"You have already lost so much," Agent Neill acknowledged with genuine sorrow and concern. "But you could lose more if you're not careful."

Kara said something in a language Alex didn't understand but knew to be Kryptonese. She tried to remember what little of the language she had picked up from her parents but came up short, refocusing on the conversation.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I don't know what you're saying," Agent Neill replied. There was a brief silence between Kara's foreign words and the agent's response. It was short, but it was there, and Alex heard it. She knew the agent was lying and made a mental note to look her up. There were questions Alex needed answers to. She doubted the woman was a threat, she seemed to genuinely care about Kara, but Alex had to know if there was even the slightest possibility that the agent was a danger to her family.

"Right," Kara breathed. "There's no reason you should."

Alex felt a sharp pain in her chest as more tears escaped from her eyes. This was just one more reminder that Kara was alone. The last daughter of Krypton carrying on the dead language of a lost planet.

"No more powers? You promise?" Agent Neill asked.

"I promise," Kara echoed, sadness lacing her words.

"Alright then," Agent Neill said softly.

Alex heard the agent turn from Kara and the stars to walk towards the stairs. With her gone, Alex could finally reach Kara. She rushed out from behind the door, desperate to talk to Kara, when she froze mid-step.

Agent Neill was standing at the top of the stairs, a hand placed on the railing, staring directly at Alex. Alex's eyes widened as the woman smiled at her. She gave Alex a knowing wink, then turned and walked down the stairs without a word.

Alex shook her head, unfreezing, before continuing on her path.

 _I can deal with that later, right now all that matters is Kara._

She almost made it to Kara. Almost.

There was a knock on the door from downstairs, but Alex didn't even notice it. The only thing she cared about was Kara. She had just crossed into the room, she could see Kara standing in the same spot she must have been in when she was showing Agent Neill where Krypton would be. Kara's back was to her, and if she looked closely, Alex could see the slightest tremble of the blonde's shoulders. Just a few more steps and—

"Alex," Eliza called from downstairs, "can you get the door?"

 _Now really isn't a good time._

She took another step forward, determined to talk to Kara, to apologize, when Eliza said her name again.

"Alex," her mom repeated more urgently, "I think it's your friend, Josie."

Alex closed her eyes. _Of course it is._

She bit her lip, torn between comforting Kara and confronting Josie, when the second round of loud knocking reached her ears. Kara needed her full attention, but Alex couldn't give it to her if she knew she had to handle Josie. And judging by the persistent banging on the door, Josie wasn't going away anytime soon.

At the edge of the stairs, Alex took one last look back at Kara. She could see the side of Kara's face as the fifteen-year-old stared longingly at the stars. Alex watched as a single tear fell from Kara's eye, slowly gliding down her cheek. Alex's heart shattered at the sight, and making a silent promise to become the sister Kara deserved, she made her way downstairs.

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 **A/N: So, what'd you think? The next chapter will probably be Kara and Alex talking, after all, in the episode they were sitting on Alex's bed laughing before Eliza came in, so that's how I'm going to incorporate the next part. I know I still need to work on These Broken Pieces, and I swear I haven't given up on it, nor do I plan to, I've just reached a bit of a writer's block with the story.**

 **Hope you liked this one! Later!**


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